get your head on straight

I keep going through these phases... I'll be completely confident in the surgery and my need for it... and then I will see a blog of someone that has lost over 100 lbs on their own. Then the doubt sets in, "why can't I do it on my own, why can so many people do it and I can't?" Then I have to think. -Where am I at in my life, what health risks am I facing, how many times have I tried on my own and failed.- And these are the reasons I am waiting on weight loss surgery. I need to be confident in my decision, and positive about it. No more excess worry; no more, questioning it, or myself.

Isaiah was one of 10 students that got a blue ribbon on his Science Fair project at his school. They are putting his project in the Walker County Science Fair and he gets to go on a special field trip. His anxiety is still pretty rough, but I think Tae Kwon Do is helping. It probably wouldn't hurt for him to have another visit with Dr. Ben and we should look into getting him an official Aspergers Dx.

Sammy is still my firecracker. ;)  He takes his Tiny Tigers yellow belt test next Saturday. Everyone loves that kid, it's crazy.

So just over 2 weeks left of school... a little over 5 weeks left until surgery. And lots of stuff in between... including Kenny being out of town/state twice in the next 5 weeks! gah.

Hey, May!

I never know how to begin. And I know I say this every time I write... but I really need to get better with this thing! 

I had to stop going to WW because of money. The week I stopped going, is the week the new insurance coordinator for Dr. Rutledge's office called me. She called to introduce herself and also tell me that I was really close to having surgery. She asked some information and told me she would get back to me. About a week later she called to tell me that they are ready to submit it to insurance, but they needed an updated height/weight. So on my off day I ran in there and did that. Turns out in the one year I've been through this process I only gained 2 lbs. when technically I gained 16 and lost 14. Anyway, now we are waiting on insurance's final approval. I'm nervous.  I've never been good with surgery... and I have this overwhelming, unheathly fear of death. The surgery date is June 24 (just 2 days before Sammy's 5th birthday)

The boys are doing good. We had some issues with Isaiah and being teased/bullied, but that seems to be worked out now too.  They are both in Tae Kwon Do and doing wonderfully! Isaiah tested and got his Yellow belt last month and Sammy is testing for his yellow belt in his Tiny Tigers class this month. SOOO thankful that there are only 3 weeks left of school. Isaiah got his first B ever last quarter. He was pretty upset.  But he's still an extremely thoughtful and smart kiddo. 

oh my stars. My 4 year old just broke my heart. He told me I had to marry him when I got older. But then he said "But you have to exercise to lose weight, because I don't like girls with big bellies to marry me." 

So while my heart was crushed under his little lime green Sketcher, I mustered up the strength to explain to him that appearance shouldn't matter, it is what's on the inside that counts. ::sighs::
This is the second time this month I've been faced with someone small criticizing my weight. thing is... even though I know they are innocent -ish kids... it still hurts my feelings.  This should motivate me to get better, but instead it makes me want to wallow in my own self pity. :( 

2.13

Tomorrow will be one month in on my new WW journey.  I also haven't drank a Pepsi or carbonated beverage in one month.  At this point I was down 9.2 lbs with a small gain, so I am down 7.8 lbs. Hopefully I made that pound plus some up. 

Isaiah got Star Roll again at school. That kid truly is the smartest kid I know. 

I had Sammy's parent teacher conference on Friday and it went better than expected. Sammy is uber smart as well. He just needs to get his behavior under control. Mrs. Cherry and I share several funny Sammy stories and the conference lasted almost 2 hours! 

I decided to stay with Scentsy ... mostly because I saw the new catalog and fell in love all over again. Just call me crazy! 

I found a psych for Isaiah.  Roper has one at their clinic. So I just need to make an appointment there. :) 

Kenny went to Mexico this past week, and while I am getting used to the travelling, I still hate having him gone. 

changes?

So last week I bit the bullet and signed back up for Weight Watchers with a friend and her daughter. I started at my highest weight ever.  It was OVER 300 lbs.  THAT is SCARY stuff.  I am carrying around two adult sized people, almost three! 

I am determined to be a healthier person. It's been almost a week since I've had a Pepsi and I'm not jonesing for it like I expected, anymore. 

I'm considering giving up my Scentsy business.  I LOVE Scentsy. I just don't have the time for it like I would like. That makes me sad, but I need to de-stress and de-clutter my life right now in order to focus on what's truly important: my health and my family.

Obligatory New Year Post

Here were are.  2013. Whodathunkit? 

So, 2012, let's re-cap.  

Isaiah ended third grade (with Star roll - straight As) and began fourth.. he also turned 10. He was inducted into the National Elementary Honor Society at his school.

Sammy turned 4 and went to pre-k at 2 different schools. He loved the blue school, but it turned out Gilbert was better placement for us because of childcare and that sort of thing. 

Kenny went to China & bought another house (for $5000 split down the middle) with his work wife, Tina. 

I became Assistant Head Teller at my job. Diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and began the journey to weight loss surgery. 

My Dad had 4 surgeries on his foot and contracted the C-diff virus, THREE times, then just before Christmas had his lower leg amputated.  

Plans for 2013? 

Be a better Christian.  Read my Bible more. Attend church more.  Just shine the light. 

Have gastric bypass and lose all this weight - become healthier and more active with my family.

Take better care of my home. 

Get our finances under control. 

There really is more to add to it, as I am a perfectionist. However, as I was typing all of this I realized... I could plan all day, but ultimately that plan might not co-incide with God's plans for me.  So we shall see :)